Oblivious Wizards and Dangerous Muggle Weapons
by AritfshlyNaturl
Summary: This story is complete crack! It's just a little twist about what would happen if the whole thing was a practical joke on Harry. warning mentions of SiriusRemus


AN: This is complete an total crack! The only reason I put this under Sirius/Remus is because there are mentions of it nothing else! I hope you enjoy it because I did whilst writing it, I really thought it through too!

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have always been close, to unknowing folk they were just close friends but in reality they were much more than that. They were a couple mind you or what anyone else thinks, they were happy and have been since their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After school they lived together in a muggle apartment in London, they were living off the money Sirius had inherited from the Black family and Remus owned a bookstore for his own enjoyment. About a year later the engagement between James Potter and Lily Evans was announced, they married in July the wedding of course was a huge event. Months after their honeymoon the announcement of a baby came along, Sirius was soon named the godfather of the child not that he minded of course. Two years later, July thirty-first. Harry's First Birthday. The day James asked Lily to marry him.Now Sirius Black loved his godson very much, every chance he got he would offer to babysit ((with Remus of course he would be quite lost without the werewolf.)) He begged James and Lily to take a trip for an anniversary of sorts while he and Remus took care of little Harry Potter, with many days of persuasion he succeeded. Sirius was wondering the Potter house bored now that litte Harry had gone to bed and with Remus in the kitchen he was doomed to boredom. He walked into the master bedroom, he looked around and turned to leave seeing that it was just a normal bedroom until something caught his eye. He picked up the item carefully seeing as it was muggle and he remember the last time he picked up a muggle item carelessly... Remus was lounging in the dormitory his feminine form sprawled across the couch, a book resting in his lap, and a bleeding Sirius with a pair of scissors in his hands. Remus sighed obviously annoyed, "Sirius what did I tell you about carelessly picking up something when you don't know what it is?" "I need to be cautious and ask what it is before I even touch it." He said this pouting at Sirius mock tears forming in his eyes, he was simply adorable that Remus couldn't help but kiss his pouty lips. This of course led to love confessions and hot, passionate, gay sex. Sirius ran his hand over the item, sooo shiny... Sirius like shiny... , he walked towards little Harry's room laughing manically, all things Remus has told him before leaving his mind. "Hello little Harry looky what I got here? Do you know what it is? 'Cause I sure don't." Sirius cooed at the little one-year-old holding the item in his hand. He ran his hand over it again, the top of the object slid back Sirius giggled at his discovery, "Harry look this slides back! Maybe this thingy does something too!" Sirius prodded and pulled at the thing but nothing happened, he slid his finger in the gap. The item unknowingly aimed at Harry, Sirius pulled back the little thing he was so curious about. Suddenly something shot out of the item hitting Harry smack dab in the middle of his forhead. "SIRIUS YOU SHOT HARRY IN THE FACE!" "Is that a bad thing?" "Oh my god, JAMES AND LILY WE'LL NEVER LET US BABYSIT AGAIN!" "What why?!" "He won't live that's why! You practically KILLED your own GODSON!!!!!!!" Fifteen years later, Middle of Term. Dumbledore's Office. Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. "Well Harry I have something that I want to discuss, considering your Godfather is already dead, I should just come out with the truth." "Have you found a way to defeat Voldemort Professor?" "Ah well you see that's the snag." "You haven't then?" "Alright Harry I'm going to tell you a story." "How will this help me defeat Voldemort Sir?" "You'll see Harry. Now where shall I begin, ah yes on your first birthday shall we?" "Sir I've already heard this one." "Well now you're going to know the truth. Long story short, Sirius was in Azkaban for shooting you in the forehead on accident, use of muggle weaponry is illegal as you know. Your parents really died in a plane crash." "..." "Oh and the whole Voldemort is a practical joke, Tom is really just an old 'friend' of mine on the brink of death with nothing better to do except pretending to make your life miserable." "What about my scar?" "Oh that's just the result from being unable to remove the lead fragments from the bullet." "But...the Weasleys, Malfoy? The Ministry?" "All actors I hired." "So this whole thing is fake?" "Yes." "So Sirius is still alive then!" "Well no...care for a lemon drop?"


End file.
